


Honey-Glazed Ham

by protectoroffaeries



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Crack, Crossdressing, F/M, Honey, I'm Sorry, Kinks, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Poor Alex - Freeform, Second-Hand Embarrassment, Sexual Situations, Swearing, now with fanart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 08:52:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10408458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/protectoroffaeries/pseuds/protectoroffaeries
Summary: Alex is feeling kinky......Eliza and John aren't into it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry.
> 
> @shadedforests over on Tumblr (yeah I'm calling her out) and I were walking home from the store yesterday and she made a comment about the FOOD honey-glazed ham and then... well...
> 
> I'm just so, so sorry.
> 
> Edit: Now there's fanart [here](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/protectoroffaeries/158714377925)

There are people who think Eliza is _weird._ They're sometimes bold enough tell her this directly, and they usually cite the fact that she's in a polyamorous relationship as support for calling her odd. It's not weird to Eliza, and she thinks it's rather rude of them to comment on a relationship of which they have little to no understanding. John is her best friend. Alex is the love of her life. It's amazing that they love each other, too, and that the three of them can raise a gaggle of children altogether.

So what if it _is_ a little abnormal. It's still not for other people to judge.

Eliza is a mother of eight. She teaches second grade. She reads to children, teaches them to add and subtract, and encourages them to be kind and good. She goes grocery shopping and cooks dinner. She listens her family's problems and tries to come up with solutions. Honestly, if she considers her day-to-day life, she's normal.

It's _Alex_ who's the weird one.

For example, what happened last week:

The kids are all out of the house. Fran's at her mysterious new girlfriend's house, Pip's with Theo at some movie, Ange and AJ are at the Lafayettes’, James is at a sleepover, and Will, Jack, and Liz are with Eliza's parents. It’s not a coincidence that they're all out at once; they would never get that lucky.

Alex comes home early from work for once, and he runs upstairs without a word to Eliza or John, who are both sitting on the couch.

“That looks promising,” comments John as they watch him go. Eliza nods in agreement.

She and John don't have sex with each other - their relationship isn't like that. They tried, once. And hey, at least they got Pip out of that disaster. But they do sometimes occupy the bedroom at the same time. Alex is an attention whore, so naturally he loves it when they do decide to join him together. And John's fine with it so long as he doesn't do anything sexual with Eliza. (Eliza admits that in her youth, she was a tad disappointed; John's an attractive guy. She's over it now.)

“Should we follow him now?” she asks John, and he just shrugs. So they wait a few minutes, and then there's a text to their group chat from Alex: _come upstairs ;)_

John's on his feet right away, and it takes Eliza a moment to catch up and stand herself, but soon enough, she's on his heels, following him up the stairs. She's excited: she loves Alex, loves making love with him, loves watching him and John (whom she also loves dearly) together. The more children they have, the less time they have together. Eliza misses it.

John pushes open the bedroom door and then stops abruptly. Eliza runs into his back, which hurts her nose a little, and she rubs it in annoyance. Why would he just stop like that? And then she realizes that John is _laughing,_ and she peers around him to see what's so funny…

Alex is lying on the end of the bed like he's expecting Jack to come paint him like a French girl any minute now. He's almost completely naked, except for a pair of black panties and some dark fishnet stockings, and he's _covered_ from head to toe in something - Eliza thinks it might be _honey._ She hopes she's wrong because that would be difficult to clean up.

John's still laughing.

“Alexander…” Eliza murmurs, but then she stops because she truly has no idea what to say. Alex's hair is pulled back high on his head, thankfully safe from - and yeah, that's definitely what it is - the honey. He's divested himself all other body hair (apart from his eyebrows) to spare himself some pain, but… he's still drenched in _honey._ Why?

She looks at John. “Is this _your_ kink…?” she demands, but he shakes his head.

“Alex…?” Eliza says, looking at him again. The honey glistens on his skin. Some of it has dripped onto the comforter. They're going to need a new comforter. Alex is probably going to stick to that one.

Eliza does _not_ want to touch that honey mess. She notices sticky honey footprints on the floor. At least they have tile up here and not carpet.

Alex looks a little confused. Eliza feels confused. John's laughter dies out - and he looks confused himself.

What the hell is going on?

“Alex, sweetheart,” Eliza says, “what are you doing?”

Alex's eyes dart between John and Eliza. He looked confident when they first walked in - ridiculous, but confident. Now he looks ridiculous and a bit embarrassed.

“I, uh, thought you two wanted to try something new?” he offers by way of explanation.

“You're covered in honey,” Eliza deadpans.

“Yes.”

“Do you want us to… lick it off you?” John asks. Eliza can't tell by the look on his face whether he's into that or not; John's pretty good at hiding his true feelings when he wants to. _She_ doesn't mind eating off of Alex, not really. She just wishes he'd picked whipped cream like a normal person.

“I mean, yeah…” Alex mumbles.

“Babe, we'll stick to you if we try to touch you right now,” John says. “How the hell did you manage to get so much honey… everywhere… in such a short amount of time?”

Alex shrugs one shoulder. Honey rolls down his chest, slowly, ever so slowly. “I bought a bunch of bottles of honey last week and hid them in the back of the closet. Then today I got in the tub and squeezed them over myself.”

“The _tub_ is full of honey?” Eliza exclaims. She's definitely making him clean this up.

Alex gives her a sheepish look. “Not really… most of it's on me.”

“Alex, you know we love you,” John begins, “but why the fuck would you think this is a good idea?”

Alex's eyes drop to his honey-coated hands. “I dunno, I just… I like it?” It's not like him to sound so small. If he weren't covered in honey, Eliza would give him a reassuring hug.

“We can talk about it - in smaller amounts - since you like it,” John concedes. “But… we should probably clean all of this up right now.”

Alex hesitates, but eventually he gives a little nod of agreement. He stands, and just as Eliza predicted, the comforter does not let him go easily. When he unsticks himself from the comforter, he walks over to the bathroom, leaving more sticky footprints in his wake.

Eliza sighs. “We should clean up out here, huh?”

“Yeah…” John agrees with the same lack of enthusiasm.

Eliza figures that they won't be having sex tonight, after the bruise to Alex's ego and all the cleaning. She sighs and goes to find some rags so that she and John can start scrubbing.

(Alex is the weird one, and Eliza loves him. They have _fun_ with honey in smaller quantities later. Eliza thinks they should branch out… maybe try chocolate...)


End file.
